Unpacking Body Shame: What It Is and How to Cope

Understanding Body Shame—and How to Cope

Body shame can feel like an invisible weight you carry every day. It can be the voice that criticizes you in the mirror, the hesitation you feel before taking off your shirt at the beach, or the anxiety that comes with simply being seen. If you’ve ever felt like your body is “wrong,” “too much,” or “not enough,” you’re not alone. And more importantly—you’re not broken.

Body shame is more than dissatisfaction with how you look. It’s the internalized belief that your body is a source of failure, embarrassment, or moral weakness. It’s what happens when we absorb the harmful messages around us—about weight, appearance, masculinity, beauty, and worth—and turn them inward.

Where Does Body Shame Come From?

Body shame isn’t something we’re born with. It’s something we’re taught. It can come from:

• Family messages about food, weight, or appearance.

• Comments from peers about how your body looks or what it “should” look like.

• Cultural norms that glorify thinness, muscularity, or other unrealistic body ideals.

• Medical stigma and fatphobia disguised as health advice.

• Social media, which often showcases curated, filtered, or edited bodies as the norm.

Over time, these messages can shape how you view yourself—convincing you that your body is a problem to fix, rather than a part of you that deserves care.

What Body Shame Can Sound Like

Body shame can show up in many forms, including:

• “I hate how I look in photos.”

• “I can’t eat that—I’ve been so bad lately.”

• “If I looked different, maybe I’d be in a relationship.”

• “I’ll feel better once I lose weight.”

These thoughts may feel familiar because they’re so deeply woven into our culture. But they aren’t facts—they’re reflections of internalized shame.

Gentle Ways to Cope with Body Shame

Healing from body shame is not about flipping a switch and loving how you look overnight. It’s about building a more compassionate, grounded relationship with your body over time. Here are some practical tools to support that process:

1. Start with Curiosity, Not Criticism
When you notice a shameful thought, pause. Ask yourself: Where did I learn this? Who benefits from me feeling this way? This helps you shift from blame to awareness—and awareness is where change begins.

2. Wear Clothes That Feel Good
Comfort is underrated. Let go of clothes that are too tight, restrictive, or meant to “motivate” you to change. Choose what feels good on your body today.

3. Change What You See
Curate your social media feeds. Follow people with diverse body types, people who speak openly about shame and healing, and those who remind you that you’re not alone.

4. Practice Embodiment
Body shame often disconnects us from our bodies. Gentle movement (like stretching, yoga, or walking), grounding exercises, or even mindful breathing can help you reconnect—on your terms.

5. Use Self-Compassionate Language
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Try replacing harsh self-talk with something kinder, even if it feels awkward at first. For example, instead of “I look gross,” try “I’m having a hard body image day—and that’s okay.”

6. Set Boundaries Around Body Talk
It’s okay to change the subject when conversations turn to dieting, weight loss, or appearance. You don’t have to engage in talk that reinforces shame.

7. Remember: Your Body is Not a Problem to Solve
Your worth is not defined by your weight, shape, or size. Your body is not an enemy—it’s a part of your life that deserves care, not criticism.

8. Reach Out for Support
Shame thrives in isolation. Talking with a therapist—especially one who practices from a weight-neutral, HAES-informed lens—can help you untangle the deeper roots of your body image struggles.

Final Thoughts

Body shame doesn’t disappear overnight. It’s something we unlearn slowly, by meeting ourselves with curiosity, compassion, and care. You’re not weak for struggling with these feelings—you’re human.

If you’re tired of carrying this shame alone, therapy can help. Together, we can explore where these beliefs came from, how they’re affecting you, and what healing could look like. You can build a different kind of relationship with your body!

Ready to take the next step? Schedule a free consultation and let’s talk about how I can support you.